Dear Pastor Rick,
I have just finished reading your insightful, heartfelt,
convicting, and guilt-evoking blog about the dark side of… dare I even speak
their name… Yoga pants.
What I once viewed as comfortable, practical work out
attire, I now see as a threat to all men’s salvation.
Your statistic of why we work out really opened my eyes. “Most
of the time people say that diet and exercise is for their health, but if their
hearts were exposed it is really about 10% for their health and 90% so they can
look good.” Based on what I’m sure is your strong background in social
sciences, I feel confident in the accuracy of these results. Thank you for
exposing my heart, that I might not expose my “rear”.
[For those of you reading, if you are having a hard time
visualizing yoga pants, you are without sin and there is no need for you to
continue reading. Go in peace. But, if you must know, Pastor Rick provides a
wonderful working definition: “Tight (usually black…black is slimming you know) pants that cling to every
fabric of your skin.” He then provides a perfect alternative to said pants by
suggesting we women add a “dress or long tunic”.]
Your equations were most helpful considering I am a visual
learner… and a woman… who needs things broken down very simply.
“Beauty
= Good”
“Ugly
= Bad”
“Bikinis
= Wearing our underwear in public”
If you
wouldn't mind checking my math, I have come up with some of my own equations to
apply what I have learned from your blog.
Yoga
Pants = Pornography
Tunic
= … wait what is a tunic again?
Statistics
= Your opinion
Skin =
Fabric
Breasts
= Covered at all times by tunic, even while swimming (but really, help me out
with the tunic thing… do they sell them at Target?)
You then
brought to my attention my so desperate plea, of which I was completely unaware.
“When you leave your rear end uncovered you are pleading with every man in eye
shot to check out your backside.” Why I NEVER wanted any man to check me out in
any such way. I strive to constantly remain homely and in such a way that if I
showed up at a Duggar dining event, no one would even notice I wasn't one of
the 19 children. After all, they are still counting.
And
about men’s sexual desires (Under the heading “What Women Cannot Understand”)
really made me feel like I had a small glimpse into what sex is really all
about. “Men are geared with a deep sexual desire that God gave them to express
in the joys of a marital relationship.”
As a
woman, I have a hard time knowing why guys are so crazy about sex when they
look at our bodies. I mean, whenever I look at a toned, tanned, beautiful, shirtless, hot male body... all I think to myself…and tell my friends of course… is “Wow, I bet he is
a really good snuggler”… “I’d let him be the big spoon” and most importantly “I
bet he can talk all... night… long…”. So, NOW knowing that men are into the sex
and not the talking or the snuggling, I understand more and more why Yoga pants
are so off limits.
All in
all, I want to thank you again for knowing the hearts of every man looking at a
woman and every woman getting dressed in the morning. We are blessed to finally
have the guidelines to stop all men’s sexual desires outside of marriage. And I
think I can speak for all Christian women, we will now do anything and
everything on our power to not make you lust ever again.
Convicted
and a new proud owner of a tunic (…I think?),
Opinionated
(Explicit: Contains Tight Pants)
Target out of tunics? You can always try this!
http://www.hulu.com/watch/614772#i1,p40,d1
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