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Makeup is hard.

I just came from getting new make-up… you’d THINK getting a make over and new make up would make you feel like a beautiful movie star and you’d feel AWESOME because you have just been done up by a professional. Oh wait… FALSE. For starters. They take off ALL your makeup and then begin to ask you about your skin care routine 3 inches from your face. Thus beginning a vulnerable process you NEVER asked for and are now regretting the whole new make up idea. You know that feeling you get at the dentist office when they ask you the dreaded “do you floss question” .. knowing full well they know EXACTLY how much you floss because they are professionals but you lie anyways because you can’t handle their shaming? Well it’s like that but like… a whole SLUE of floss like questions… but maybe worse. I know EXACTLY what a dentist wants to hear. A makeup artist.. a whole new ball game. I have NO IDEA what the “right” answer is… thus begins the stress. Artist: “So what is your skin care
Recent posts

Beards...

Reasons for my distaste for beards and/or extreme facial hair: Really, when it’s too thick it’s like… what’s under there… or better yet what’s IN there?! Is it clean? …Are you clean?! Are you compensating for something…? Did you go on an outdoor adventure for a month and grew it out to feel like Bear Grills? Hot and awesome. I’ll let it slide until things are able to get stuck in it. Then I would like to see your face again… or do I?! How would I know if you’re a forever beard face?! Hey beard face, STOP STROKING/itching it. It doesn't make you look intelligent or distinguished.. or make ME want to stroke it…   it just makes me think you have itchy face or beard lice. AND no beard combs allowed… EVER. Just means its too long and… I mean a beard comb… nope. Super groomed full beard with gelled combed hair on top? Word that comes to mind? I’ll refrain... but me thinks you spend too much time in the mirror and LOVE your beard TOO much. I get a pretentious vibe

Y#&@ Pants

Dear Pastor Rick, I have just finished reading your insightful, heartfelt, convicting, and guilt-evoking blog about the dark side of… dare I even speak their name… Yoga pants. ( http://pastorrickhermann.wordpress.com/2014/03/26/the-theology-of-yoga-pants/ )    What I once viewed as comfortable, practical work out attire, I now see as a threat to all men’s salvation. Your statistic of why we work out really opened my eyes. “Most of the time people say that diet and exercise is for their health, but if their hearts were exposed it is really about 10% for their health and 90% so they can look good.” Based on what I’m sure is your strong background in social sciences, I feel confident in the accuracy of these results. Thank you for exposing my heart, that I might not expose my “rear”. [For those of you reading, if you are having a hard time visualizing yoga pants, you are without sin and there is no need for you to continue reading. Go in peace. But, if you must know

Dove Chocolates

Those nights you feel alone… watching some endless hours of Netflix and feel a little sorry for yourself (Don’t pretend you haven’t)….  You think… “Yeah… chocolate, a universal snack for the lonely female that inevitably makes you feel just a little bit better about the world” … that is unless...  Dove Valentine Chocolates.  “Oh how cute… little quotes in every wrapper to make you smile”… or in the real world of single women eating the chocolates?... “Screw you, Dove… I now hate myself” Just a heads up Dove… those chocolates with cute little sayings are in a giant bags… giant, plastic, non-cute, OR romantic bags. THEREFORE, who do you think are purchasing them? OBVIOUSLY not the thoughtful boyfriend or significant other of anyone… Nope. Those are to those of us who get them from friends or family who know we self soothe with chocolates… or we’ve shamelessly purchased them ourselves. For anyone who has not experienced this (We might not work out as friends